It seems that, these days, I'm only happy when I'm planning things. I'm excited about the change of schedule in my near future.

And as usual, I am not sleepy when I should be. Wide awake right now. Won't be once I'm at work tomorrow, after my (if I'm lucky) 6 hours of sleep.

So it goes.

Some nights, when I'm really bored and lonely, I take more Excedrin PM and Melatonin than I normally would, and stay up until I can no longer hold my eyelids open.

It was really difficult to get out of bed today. Dreams >> reality, right now.

My problem is that liking someone distracted me from the feelings that have been bogging me down for months now. I know this. As nice as the distraction was, I need a substitution; I can't like a person that has no interest in me. I hope that going back to classes in a few weeks will serve me well- well enough to keep going. Until then... I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Time is dragging so, so slowly. Some days are better than others. Some days are great, even.

Today isn't feeling like one of those days.

"Blue lips, blue veins. Blue, the color of our planet from far, far away."

ALEX, I CAN'T GET THIS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD. It's so beautiful. And it really sums up how I feel about humanity and religion, and life and death, I think. It's just... SO PRETTY.

I could have sworn... Oh well. I was wrong.

I'll be okay. How do I get over something that never happened? Feeling a little delusional, but I suppose that will fade. I hope.

I want you. And I want you to know.

Today has been such a gorgeous day. It's really starting to look like spring. I always forget how much I love to see everything in bloom until it happens all over again... and that's the best part. It happens all over again, just when I've forgotten its beauty.

I keep thinking of little things I could do that might make you happy. Is that weird? I hope that one day, I'll be able to do some of those things, and maybe make you smile.

And... wow. The way things can turn around with just a few words. I've been told some unsettling news about my aunt... I really, really hope nothing is wrong. I can't let the bad things define my day. She'll be just fine.

Let this be our little secret...
No one needs to know we're feeling
higher and higher and higher.

What a beautiful, beautiful day it has been. Perfect day for driving. The wind was soft and warm, and it almost smelled like summer. I love the brisk, refreshing taste of winter air (not unlike a cool glass of water), but there truly isn't anything like a gulp of spring air.

I have a feeling of purpose and I hope that I follow through. But with determination comes insomnia, I'm afraid. I NEED TO GET SLEEPY.

I wish I had some idea of what you're thinking. Maybe the idea hasn't crossed your mind even once.