I talked about Melanie for the first time in... well, I don't remember the last time. I suppose I shouldn't say I talked about her, but what happened to her. I suppose I talk about her all the time. But it was so strange to describe the... event... to someone, all over again. By the end of it, I was shaking as if it'd happened just yesterday.

Some feelings simply don't fade. It's a shame that it's the bad ones that are easier to hold onto.

I'm feeling her slip further and further away, even still.

Melanie and I used to write comic books, following the adventures of an ill-proportioned tyrannosaurus rex and a rabbit (creatively titled "Spike and Bunny").

I'm going to get a tattoo of them. Why didn't I think of this sooner?

If you don't have any feelings for me at all... why do you make every effort to talk to me? Why did you make every effort to include me that week? Certainly that's what friends do, but you didn't do that for the others. You didn't do that for your own cousin. Why do you share your favorite things with me (music, books, articles, etc.)?

It could be wishful thinking, sure, but I just can't shake the feeling that there's something more.

Even while you're holding her hand.

I'm so bored in every way imaginable right now: intellectually, socially, and otherwise. I need to meet new people, and do new things.

I wonder if I'm attracted to this guy just because I know what he's been through. Strange to think about it. Anyway, I've missed Deidre. I need to spend more time with her.

Wow. I cannot help but feel that you're just gloating about it. Thanks. Really. It's evident that you didn't listen to a word I said last time we spoke.

--

I feel like you're erasing me from your life. When was the last time we hung out? Just us? I feel so unwanted.

There are many words around the world that cannot be directly attributed to a simple English equivalent. Words like schadenfreude, etc. I just stumbled upon one I hadn't heard of before: saudade.

A translation provided by the ever wonderful Wikipedia: a somewhat melancholic feeling of incompleteness. It is related to think back situations of privation due to the absence of someone or something, to move away from a place or thing, or to the absence of a set of particular and desirable experiencies and pleasures once lived.

This is it. This is the feeling I can't shake.

I'm tempted to take the next plane to Lansing.

You tempt me. :3

You don't make a bit of sense sometimes... but at least you know. At least my bluntness wasn't in vain. I'm glad that you're going to try to be better.

Finally got through my week of hell. Hopefully got some decent grades to show for it...? Maybe?

At least it is a long weekend now. :3