Finally, I will have music in my life again.

I desperately want to go to New Zealand and Australia.

I need a traveling buddy.

What an excellent day! I managed to get up before 11 on a Saturday (which has seemed awfully difficult to me, as of late). I went to the park with Yuko, Sage, and Alex, after having lunch with them. Tie dyed t-shirts with Alex and Yuko. Played with Sage. Went to the peddler's mall with Alex, and then had dinner with her family. Stayed over there for a while, talking with her and her parents. I really like them a lot, and they're so welcoming.

All in all, it's been a wonderful, full day. Settling in for the night with Doctor Who. I adore Matt Smith as the Doctor.

What the fuck? Why do I pay for health insurance if I'm to be charged over $600 for a simple blood allergy test that the doctor insisted on me taking? I'm grateful for an easy access to healthcare, but I'm very much considering never visiting a doctor again, unless it's a life-or-death situation.

Haha, and I was doing so well, holding back my minor complaints. Now I feel super angst-y.

I've been feeling really down again lately. I don't know what reignited this feeling, but it's back. I try to ignore it by focusing on other things; often times, my mood is improved if I distract myself with plans.

So I've been planning which tattoo I'd like to get first, for Melanie. A few days ago I decided on Spike and Bunny, haha. I was looking through old letters from Melanie, for ideas or drawings to use, and I found one from August of 2006. It was written not long after she had first moved up to West Virginia. In this letter, she told me that I'm the best friend she ever had. She said that she'd move back down here to Louisville as soon as she could, that we'd get an apartment together and get matching tattoos and, eventually, she'd name her kid after me.

Ouch.

I'm being the exact person that I contradicted him for being. I need to suck it up and stop being a hypocrite.

I'm glad that you are happy; it makes me happy to see you happy. But it also reminds me of how unhappy I am, haha. The old paradox. Forever alone. ._. Whine.

Soooo difficult to look at just one post on tumblr.

Scott posted "I miss you" on my wall. I feel loved. :) But I miss him, too. His happiness and adventurousness are so contagious.

I talked about Melanie for the first time in... well, I don't remember the last time. I suppose I shouldn't say I talked about her, but what happened to her. I suppose I talk about her all the time. But it was so strange to describe the... event... to someone, all over again. By the end of it, I was shaking as if it'd happened just yesterday.

Some feelings simply don't fade. It's a shame that it's the bad ones that are easier to hold onto.

I'm feeling her slip further and further away, even still.