It's the last day of 2010, and I can't help but feel that this was a year of constants. First year without her. A year full of school, and school, and school. Loss of organization and focus. Circling in this ring of indecision I've managed to trap myself in. I had typed up a lot more, but decided that it was all a bit unnecessary and pessimistic, so I'll leave 2010 at that.

I'm really hoping that 2011 will be a year of much more substance. For just one second, I'm going to pretend that the changing of the year really does change me and my life... that it isn't just some meaningless number. When the clock strikes midnight this evening, a switch will flip in my brain and everything will be better. ...right?

Two separate and entirely unrelated thoughts:
Well, that was interesting.
The rain always makes me think of you.

I had a dream about him last night. My subconscious has filled out his entire personality, though I hardly know him. This dream was like a second chance to know him, for him to know me. I woke up with this feeling of immense regret; my dream-self so easily did what my reality-self has wanted to do for over a year.

Lame award of the year goes to...

Oh god. Never. Again.

This year is almost over. I feel incredibly old... and tired. Just tired of everything.

I had a good Christmas, thanks to family and friends I haven't seen in forever.

"Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home."

This is so true. I miss her like hell...

...seriously? You have everything. EVERYTHING. It has all been handed to you: anything you could ever need. And you actually want to complain to me, about another thing that has simply been given to you?

Go away.

Black Swan is nothing less than a wonderful, enthralling, sexy, horrifying film... and I enjoyed every second.

Double feature failure... But True Grit was excellent.

Another lonely night.