Never in my life have I known a person more self-centered than you. You make everything about you. As human beings, I know that we all like to do that... but you... oh, you're on a different level of shitty. You're a horrible friend. I'm not sure you have ever known how to be a decent one, actually. You use and you use and you use until there's nothing left... and then you expect more. When people do the same to you (however seldom it may occur), you are furious and unreasonable. If anyone dares to point this tendency out, you flip. You close your ears, point your fingers, and you become even more impossible to be around. I had hoped that you would have grown up by now, but you're still acting like a spoiled infant. I thought that time away from you would make things better; I was wrong. I will always be wrong, as long as I believe that you will ever change. I'm done wasting my time caring about you. You are one of the darkest parts of my life right now and because you're so selfish, you refuse to see it.

I wish this were good-bye.

I feel like I'm walking through my life asleep. I still haven't moved on.

You have the most welcoming smile.

“It seems to me that often in life, if you want something badly, you don’t get it by pursuing it directly. If you’re an aspiring musician and you want musical creativity, you don’t get there by just going out and being creative all the time. It’s actually the opposite. You get there by pursuing discipline, hour after hour of practice and one day, the creativity flows. If you want love, you don’t get there by pursuing it directly. There’s a name for people who do that.. stalkers. If you want happiness — if you pursue it directly, you end up an addict, or a hedonist, or a glutton or a dilettante. Don’t do that. Pursue generosity, pursue wisdom, pursue honor, pursue an idea that’s bigger than you. And one day, happiness and/or love, will tap you gently on the shoulder and say, “I’m here.” Those of us in the business of getting people’s attention are in danger of being stalkers, of pursuing attention at any cost by any means, fair or foul. What if instead, we pursued laughter, ingenuity, and beauty, radical openness? If we do, we will be astounded at the amount of attention that will flow our way.”

— Chris Anderson
Curator, TED Conferences


I should definitely try to live by this. I think I try sometimes, but it's certainly nice to be reminded every now and then.

I wish I were better at flirting. That man was so, so attractive.

I've been feeling abnormally down lately, and I think I've finally figured out why. I felt the sun on my face (for the first time in days, mind you) on the bus ride home this afternoon. Usually, I wake up when it's dark, leave the house when it's dark, and head home when it's dark. I've spent every bit of the past three weeks of daylight inside, working. But today, I felt the sun... and I felt new.

Stayed home today. I had hoped to get some things done, despite being sick, but that didn't go too well. And so it goes.

You think that you're better than everyone else, and you think you an exception to rules, morality, common politeness. But you aren't. You make me furious at least once a day anymore; if that's happening, how often do you think you're offending other friends? Random passersby? You really need to try on kindness. It's much, much easier than being a rude bitch all of the time.

I think everyone hates me, and right now, I really don't blame them.

Back to square one.

There's no way I can live with you. No way at all.

Just watched a video of that Girl Talk concert, and now I'm even more certain that I missed out. It looked like the kind of show where one can easily lose oneself. Just dance around hundreds of people you don't know and never will know, and lose all shame. Once, I experienced that... just once. I wish we could have stayed in that moment for a little longer. But I am grateful for it, nonetheless.

I truly hope you are happy.

“You know that things aren’t going well for you when you can’t even tell people the simplest fact about your life, just because they’ll presume you’re asking them to feel sorry for you. I suppose it’s why you feel so far away from everyone, in the end; anything you can think of to tell them just ends up making them feel terrible.”

- A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby

Why am I always looking for some mention of me there? I should really be concerned about this. The idea won't leave my mind.

I wish I were her. Wow.

Going to see Girl Talk tonight. This should be interesting. :3

FINALLY MADE IT THROUGH WEEK ONE. Oh... my god. A well-deserved nap is definitely in my immediate future.

Definitely flirted with the waiter tonight; that was extremely out of character. I think he flirted back?

I had another dream about him. An extremely elaborate plot all led up to him giving me his phone number... written above it was his name: Eye.
...what?

Um, if you really want to do something so simple, just do it. Quit being such a little bitch.

Just got through my first day of work at the new job. I think I'm really going to like it. There are so many nice, interesting people there. I can't wait to get to know each of them, and I can't wait to learn more about this job. I'm excited about the future.

My New Year's day consisted of much kitty cuddles and seeing good friends. A good friend of mine is sitting a one-week-old kitten; such a tiny, fragile boy. It's strange to think that I was ever so young, delicate, and new.