I'm not sure where to begin. I used to write a lot; I have a LiveJournal that I used to post on nearly every day... but life happened. I think I've always been significantly more collected, though, when I'm writing. So, here goes. The plunge.


I recently began my first semester of college. It's not nearly as bad as I had expected it to be. And yet, I'm not doing nearly as well as I should be. I've always heard about dramatic things happening to people while they're in college, getting between them and the work. I've managed to avoid dramatic happenstances for the majority of my life, but drama finally hit me. My best friend, Melanie Grace Wells, was murdered. She, her friend, and that girl's parents. "Virginia Quadruple Massacre," they're calling it. 


No person has ever been as important to me as Melanie. Naturally, the media is ruining her name, trying to place the blame on anyone but the murderer, it seems. I don't blame them. It's just another story to them; they weren't lucky enough to know her. She's always brought so much happiness into my life, even after she moved a few states away from home. I still can't believe that happiness has been taken, and that there's no replacing it. I could tell you all about her... but, there's so much to tell. Maybe I'll save it for another day.


The last thing I want is for this to become my pity party. I've never been so lonely and I'm trying to change that, but I feel completely estranged. Everyone seems either too happy, or too put down about silly shit. I want to throw my loss at some people. Shove it under their nose like a scandalous picture and yell, "See?!  Imagine my pain. Imagine what her parents are going through. You've gone through nothing. You're boyfriend troubles are minuscule in comparison; quit thinking otherwise." I suppose that wouldn't be very ladylike, though, would it?


And so I've gone through my days quietly. It's not like I have anything left to do. I've unattached myself from a large percentage of relationships, and why not? I can't really stand most people anymore. I've lost all motivation for my schoolwork (and everything, really), although I have no desire to drop out or even take a break, because I would lose the only thing I have going for me.


It's a cliché female thing to say, but I'll admit, more than anything... I wish I had someone to hold me.