I feel completely broken. I hate that everything I've written lately is so full of despair, but it's not often that I feel anything else. It's as though I've been ripped to pieces; I hastily attempted to get my shit back together, but I'm still missing a few parts. Everything reminds me of her, the shock of it all. I get a leap in my stomach every time I remember--obviously not that leap of excitement... it's a leap of complete hopelessness. I feel guilty for mourning this much, and sometimes I don't feel like I'm mourning enough. I want to scream out the agony I can't seem to shake. I want to forget, but even more than that, I want to remember. I wish it had been me, instead. That would be easier.