Monday, February 8, 2010
I complain more and more with every day. I wish that this entry could be one of redemption--perhaps an apology for said complaints, a realization that I'm living a life undeserving of complaints, a new, positive outlook on life, etc. That'd be nice, eh? s'too bad. I feel like I've lost the ability to find the good in anything, my life included. I'm just as miserable as I was five months ago and I don't see change on its way. I'm sure that it's "in my hands" and all that jolly, simple shit... but most of the time, I want nothing more than to crawl in a hole and make it my home until I die.
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I wish that I could say "it's all going to get better soon [in a definitive time frame], just look at the snow" and have it be that simple. Unfortunately, nothing is ever that easy. Especially not after everything you've gone through.
ReplyDeleteI know this probably won't sound very helpful, but in the world there is darkness and there is also light. Without light, you cannot have darkness, and vice versa. Sounds obvious and kind of preachy, yeah? But it's true. You have been through more than most people -- every time I think about you I can't even begin to imagine it all -- and yet you are still going. You are so beautiful, you really are. And it's perfectly okay to break down, cry, scream, throw things, jump up and down, create voodoo dolls, destroy things (well, within reason; arson is probably not a good option, and it's also somewhat illegal) -- but please, never give up. Even if you just keep plodding along, one day, you will find light.
I know I must sound like a creeper but I promise you I am not. Just know that you have friends who will support you through anything.
Thank you. That wasn't excessively creepy, by the way. The impossibility of light without darkness... it's something that I've always told others, you know? Not exactly so easy to apply it to myself anymore... but, thank you for reminding me.
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