Every time I hear "Champagne Supernova," I think of her. There are a lot of songs that make me think of her... just as a lot of things do.

Tomorrow is the first day of September. I wish I could skip it.

Can't seem to pull myself out of this slump. I should be able to, though; I put myself here, after all.

More information that I don't know what to do with. Alright... thanks?

Um... okay. Strange excuse to talk to me. Abandon the conversation. That's cool, I guess.

I suppose you think I'm being melodramatic, but, you're the only person I've tried to explain those things to. Sorry for trying.

I'm sad when I see your name there, but I'm also sad when I don't. This sucks.

Just what I thought.

"I thought you'd want the same for me."

Classes start again tomorrow. Should be a good distraction... Preparing for further loneliness.

I keep trying to tell myself that something better will come along, but... I can't shake the feeling that it won't.

... that hurts.

I suppose I should have seen it coming. I just wish you would have somehow let me know; I think I'm entitled to that much.

I've probably done the same thing to someone else, though. I guess I deserve it.

Such a bland day.

I appreciate your attempts and concern, but you only remind me of how lost I am.

It was really nice to see you, but now that you're gone, I feel lonelier. And I feel bad for canceling my other plans... not that I could help it. I certainly couldn't. I just feel like I've made them upset.

Sometimes, I read your blog and the things you write about her, and it makes me cry. I never thought I could cry for so many reasons. I cry because I'm so happy for her; she deserves you just as much as you deserve her. I've never seen two people so fit for one another. I cry because I'm so happy that her son has a father-- a real father, not a douche-father; someone to look up to as he grows older, someone worth looking up to. I cry because I feel proven wrong each time I read these things... because you give me hope that there are guys as sweet as you. I cry because I might be wrong. As much as I cry for happiness, I cry with envy... with this fear that I'm completely incompatible, and even if there are more like you... they would want nothing to do with me.

I'm the only person to blame for this feeling. So... why can't I get rid of it?

The longer I wait, the more I convince myself to wait longer... or just completely give up on the idea. I wonder if it's even crossed your mind.

... I want alcohol. I've never really wanted it before, wanted that lack of control... but I want it now.

Oh, how I love wasting all of my money on textbooks.

I'm digging myself into that same hole again.