I've lost all forms of motivation in the past few days-- or what little amount I had left. I had a fever of 103 yesterday; highest I've had since I was really, really young. I'd forgotten what it was like to feel so vulnerable. At a few points that night, I woke up and did a few things, but I can't remember what was real and what was a dream. My perceptions have become so delicate... or maybe malleable.

Last semester, I think I slid by on autopilot and that's the secret behind my acceptable grades. Now, oddly enough, I feel as though I'm even more in autopilot mode (I'm certainly more depersonalized), yet I'm doing much worse. I'm finding it more and more difficult to focus in lectures, during tests, even conversations with friends. It's not a 'lack of motivation, can't focus' kind of deal... it's a physical problem. My eyes, quite literally, unfocus... and everything becomes background noise. Despite my usual spaciness, I've never had this problem, to this extent. It's becoming unmanageable, and I fear that it will destroy my grades and each of my friendships, one by one.