These realizations always hit me at the oddest times. I'll be sitting at my desk, doing calculus homework as I am now, and I'll write her name. I write it over and over again, almost automatically. And I'll think idly about the future. She once told me that, if she were to have children, she would name one after me... at this point in my thoughts, it occurs to me that it will never happen. It's so far beyond saddening; it's inexplicably surreal. I mean, life in general seems quite surreal... but... I can't believe that I'm still naive enough to sometimes forget... forget what? Forget that it isn't a joke? Maybe. Forget that she really is permanently missing from my life. Forget that we won't grow old together, nor were we given the chance to choose otherwise.