Beautiful. I'm not sure it can be summed up in that small word, though.

I have less than a month left of calculus... like, forever. I'll never have to say that ugly word again if I don't want to. From then on, I'll just have some small applications of it, if that... and this makes me really, really happy. :3

I already knew that, for the past six or so months, I haven't been getting enough sleep. 20-25 hours a week just doesn't cut it. But I think it's actually physically affecting me now. I'm falling asleep almost every day in one or more of my classes, and it might be messing with my depth perception. In short, I have a strong feeling that I'm going to be in a wreck sometime soon. ...just a feeling.

In a calculus quiz today, my professor gave one instruction but expected something else to be worked out. I asked him directly about it during the quiz, and he told me you only had to do [insert calculus jargon], but apparently you had to do [more calculus jargon], as well, although there were no instructions indicating such things. It was apparently needed on the next problem. Regardless, I spoke to him after class, and he was incredibly rude to me. I can't remember being this angry, in a long, long time; after talking to him, I was so furious I was almost crying. He wasn't outrightly rude, but spoke with a subtle, all the more belittling rudeness. This happened well over six hours ago and I still feel completely irate. It's not even about a stupid fucking quiz anymore; I just don't remember ever being this offended. I've spent so much time being sad for nearly a year, I've forgotten what it felt like to be this angry. I'm having a difficult time trying to keep myself from snapping at everyone I meet.

I really want to talk to you.

Unfortunately, this statement applies to two people, and one of them is dead. The other seems to have no interest in talking to me whatsoever.

I still really, really want to talk to you.

I can't pretend that it didn't hurt... but, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying. I had a good feeling about this and I still do. I never get this kind of good feeling, and I don't want it to go anywhere.

I saw in the paper that Kyrgyz-Uzbek tensions have mounted again. One part of the article was particularly disturbing: a Kyrgyz mob allegedly set fire to an Uzbek orphanage, and they're doing the same to plenty of homes and businesses in Uzbek districts. I don't understand how people can have so much hatred for one another... and for what? Land? Natural resources? Things that can never truly be anyone's. And these things happen far more often than we can know on this side of the planet. Hell, these things happen here, albeit usually on a smaller scale. I wish I knew how to help... or even how to understand.

"Why do you have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore yoooou"

During my shift at the library today, the architect designing our new library came in and held a public meeting, to hear what people might want to see in a new library. After this meeting—which was fascinating—I spoke with him, generally about his career... I don't know, maybe I am doing the right thing. Maybe not. Talking with him sorta made me want to go straight to a school of architecture. Either way, it was so nice to hear from someone that's passionate in the field I hope to eventually get into. Also, when my boss introduced me to him, she called me "brilliant." No one has ever called me "brilliant." Perhaps today isn't so horrible. I might have destroyed my tablet, gotten behind on a lot of work, dreaded tests and the like, but... someone thinks I'm brilliant.

Why I ever thought I could handle all of this, I'll never know. I've never felt so overwhelmed. I've never even fathomed feeling so overwhelmed.

Wow. Great day, gone horrible. I guess that's fitting for a week like this: one with three tests and at least one quiz in it. Going to hide now.

Sometimes, I'm so full of love, I feel I might burst. I actually began to list to myself the people I love (my cat included, of course), and the list quickly grew so long that I don't even feel the need to type it anymore. I love you. I'm trying to make more time to show it... I really am.

Many mixed feelings in my world of academia today. Bombed a quiz in calculus, which I'm usually least worried about. Didn't do as well as I thought on a statics quiz. But, after worrying for two weeks about my electrical engineering test, I find that I got an A. The universe is unfolding in a very unexpected way.

There's constantly an exam on the horizon... and I assure you, the horizon is always much closer than it appears to be. Mine certainly is. I don't know how anyone manages their time; there's so little of it to be managed. It keeps slipping through my fingers before I can even decide how to ration it. I wish I had the time to go to the beach. It's so easy to forget about insignificant things like this with this infinite stretch of water before you, infintesimal grains of sands between your toes. -sigh- WANT.

"It's not too late
to feel a little more alive.
Make an escape,
before we start to vaporize.

Doubtless, we've been through this.
So if you want to follow me, you should know,
I was lost then and I'm lost now,
and I doubt I'll ever know which way to go."

I've been on a Broken Bells kick. At this point, it's looking like I'll be on it for a long time.

Limbo. I want to sway to the more hopeful side of things, but that's also more difficult. I guess this is why I've shut myself off for so long.

I'm a very weak person. I only wish I knew if you are, as well...

Migraine... of course you wanted to visit me on my busiest day. Of course.

My good feelings are unbelievably fleeting. I felt great yesterday and now I want to dig myself a hole to hide in.

I feel like... at any moment, you or someone else is gonna say, PSYCH! Just kiddin'! Dunno where this came from, but I'm glad it did.