I feel forgotten.

Do you ever think about how strange music is? How strange it is to even speak? That, with air, we vibrate this small piece of flesh in our bodies, flap our mouths, and sounds come out? Coherent sounds? Sounds with meanings, millions of meanings and emotions and scents and textures associated with them?

Do you ever think about how strange it is to just exist?

Without classes, my life (I'm sad to say) is even more mundane and lonely. When I'm feeling particularly down- like now- I try to remember just how strange and beautiful existence really is.

I hate it when I hear a song that has the potential to be so beautiful, but it's performed so poorly... or generically.... that I can hardly stand to listen to it. It's a moral (and auditory) dilemma.

I'm beginning to wonder why you even talked to me in the first place.

Because I'm bored, and for once have some extra time on my hands, I suppose I could do some leisurely blogging.

When I was younger, I never imagined that I would ever want kids. The mere thought of being a mother or even close to one (say, a motherly figure) frightened me, limited me, weighed me down. But lately, for some strange reason, I've begun to understand the appeal of motherhood. Perhaps it's only my biological clock ticking and I'm finally noticing that my time here isn't eternal, or perhaps I'm just now figuring this part of myself out.

Every day, while at work, I see tons of children. Older children, younger children, but that's not really relevant. I think about how each of these children is at their own unique stage of life. I think about what they might have been like as an infant, and what has made them the way they are now. Where did they get that habit from? Childhood development fascinates me, and suddenly, I can't wait to have a child of my own. Watch that child grow, from something that doesn't even know it exists to a walking, talking individual. Unfolding its own little (or infinite?) universe.

It's so strange to have free time. I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Come back. Please?

My puny summer break has begun. :)

Never in my life have I been so pleased with you, Mr. plus sign. You look good there, I must say.

Just took my calculus final, and I'm shaking so badly. I never used to have this problem. I wasn't even that nervous. I wish I could calm down.

...and the later it gets, the lonelier I become.

I wish you were here to advise me right now, even if you just did so jokingly. Your input was always so consoling. Sometimes, I feel so lost without you.

It's been another great weekend. Time to study. Just one more week; then, sleep will be mine once again. I'm beyond excited.

Crazy happenings (that don't seem so crazy in retrospect but continue to keep me jittery nonetheless) today.

In short, "Inception" is quite a good movie. I need to see it again to confirm that it's actually awesome.

I wonder if you lose sleep, too.

...probably not.

FINALLY got an A on a calculus test. The one time I didn't study at all.

I'm bewildered.

I went to Forecastle festival again yesterday, despite the mass amount of homework I should have been working on (which I'm still putting off). Best stupid decision ever. I got about three hours of sleep, but it was so worth it. I saw She & Him, Spoon, and the Flaming Lips. The Lips put on such a strange, amazing show; I forgot all of my worries during that one.

Aw, man. Such a good weekend. I don't even mind that the cost of it is to stress the hell out today. It's a great trade.

Yesterday was so fantastic, despite its inclusion of exhaustion and dehydration. I saw CAKE, DEVO (surprisingly amazing), Bassnectar (an electronic sort of artist, sometimes seemed sort of dubstep; in short, the area was temporarily converted to a rave), and the Smashing Pumpkins. Each of these shows was spectacular in its own way, and I doubt I've ever sweat so much in my life. It must also be noted that I saw all of these artists with a really awesome guy.

It'll be difficult to top that Saturday.

I could sleep for days.

I really like all of the old phrases and idioms that you use. I noticed your use of them initially and I still expect at least one to jump out in conversation. I think it's adorable, but I guess I won't tell you that directly. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

I do some of the stupidest shit sometimes. And then I cry about it, like the baby I am. I'm feeling so hormonal.

Yesterday, I spent the latter half of the day with Alex and her family, and it was the best time I've had in weeks. I felt very welcome and I loved just sitting and talking with them.

But, school work has come back to haunt me today. I wish I had the time and money to escape. I want to see a beach. I want to, if only for just a day, pretend like all of this means nothing to me.

Someone really important in my life found out today that he has a brain tumor. It's benign and that's such a relief, but I can't shake this feeling of terror, this thought of losing someone else. And then, I can't shake the guilt that's a product of that feeling; it's so selfish of me. But I'm not the only person that would be missing out, if anything happened to him. He's going to do great things. He's the smartest person I know, as well as one of the kindest. I hate to imagine a world without him.