OHMYGODIHATETHISSEMESTERISITOVERYET?!

More. Migraines.

Surprise.

This week has taken a huge blow at my self-esteem. I feel like I'm doing horribly at everything I try.

On the other hand, the head of my department just complimented my outfit.

... what?

Two lengthy tests in succession make for an extremely unhappy Marcella.

Nap time? Nope. Sigh.

I'm a terrible excuse for a friend.

Sometimes, while looking through peoples' Facebook albums or just learning about their hobbies, I realize how very empty my life is in that respect. People have all sorts of stories about hiking, canoeing, general exploring, etc. These are things that I've always wanted to do, but have had neither the grace nor time to do it.

I'm beginning to realize more and more that I have no hobbies.

I need to change that.

Day x of waking up with a migraine.

... it's going to be a long day.

OH MY GOD WHY IS EVERYTHING I WANT TO ATTEND HAPPENING ON TUESDAY?!! JOFA;JEUFEJUAOFEEUAGHHH

Confession time: I'm such a selfish person... and I'm unreasonably jealous far too often.

I'm not happy with being alone.

Haha, wow. Could you be any more rude?

I have so many ideas. Constantly, ideas (as insignificant as they might be) are bouncing through my thoughts. It happens particularly often while I'm driving. Some of these ideas seem wonderful when they occur, and yet I always forget them.

I need to write my thoughts down more often. Perhaps my life will make more sense, if I do. I would like to keep a journal of my dreams, as well... but I'll forget this, too.


A friend of mine said this yesterday and I can't agree more: "I need a Pensieve."

It's so hard to tune you out when you're rambling about all of these companies that you've interviewed with.

You don't think that it's the slightest bit crass to do that around me? To THIS extent?

Ha. Guess not. Since you're still doing it.

Such
a
long,
long,
long,
looooong
day.

What could make my day worse, you ask?

Yeah, seeing you would do it. Sigh.

If I hear about one more interview, I might vomit.

My cat is so much happier than I am right now. She gets blissful lazy time. I'm beyond jealous.

I think a train hit me while I was sleeping. I feel awful.

Fuck. Insurance. I cannot believe how much time, energy, and stress I have wasted/will continue to waste on this bullshit.

Oh, also, you're damn right you're capable of being a jerk. So tempting to comment on. You're entirely over that, though, I'm sure. I doubt you ever read this, so I'm assuming it's okay that I'm this direct. I'm supposing that you couldn't care less about me, as well. I am pretty forgettable.

I have this sick feeling that I'm going to live the rest of my life, always with a headache. I can't remember the last day I didn't have a headache or a migraine.

I want to get treated, but doctors always tell me the stupidest things. Stress, lack of sleep, etc. So why do migraines visit me even when I'm well-rested and placated? Also, a lack of insurance is not in my favor... not that insurance would help. The preexisting condition policy makes me so angry I could cry.

Yes! America!

...sigh. I just want to whine.

Some people are so sweetly observant, and I just don't know how they do it. Things ranging from remembering everyone's birthdays, to noticing that someone is feeling down and brightening their day in some way. One of the guys in a chapter I'm involved in sympathized with me about a Facebook status I posted yesterday. In certain situations, that could seem creepy, but it was very nice and thoughtful.

I wish I could be friendly like that, while remaining genuine. I suppose I often get too caught up in my life and my own thoughts to consider those around me. I'm by no means a grouch (at least, I don't think I am...), but I need to remind myself to go out of my way to spread happiness. I read a quote by Siddharta Gautama earlier today, and it's frighteningly relevant:

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

It's been a great year for concerts, really. Two more under my belt in the past few days... Saw Band of Horses last Wednesday, and they were lovely. Just saw OK Go (as well as Company of Thieves, who I've seen once and were as endearing as ever). They were... great. Really. It was such an intimate performance and I felt so involved. My throat hurts.

Shows like that make me feel... alive.

Also, I touched Damian. No big deal. :3

Alex said the nicest thing to me last night: "People like you restore my faith in humanity."

I think exactly the same of her but have no words to surpass the way she said it. :/

I'm failing at everything I try to do today.

Fail at being in a good mood when I do badly on something, and I take it out on others. Fail at simply looking over a test before I turn it in; I can't even remember if I marked all of the true or false questions on this test I just took... fail at this homework I can't figure out and it's due in less than an hour. Fail at preparing for these sorts of things. Fail at remembering to bring these concert tickets. Fail at remembering ANYFUCKINGTHING at all.

Brb, self loathing.

I'm aching so badly... it's like the aches you feel if you have a really high fever, but I'm not feverish. Just in severe, full-body pain. I'm guessing it's from the drop in temperature here... that can't be normal for a person of my age, though, can it?

I'm great at offending people these days.

Ordering pizza by myself on a Saturday night... in bed with my cat.

I truly am a crazy cat lady in the making.

A lot of people say that we would be good together, but this is EXACTLY why I could never be with you. We disagree on so many subjects, and that's just fine; we're not the same person. But whenever I do something or say something that you disagree with, you berate me, offend me, belittle me in so many ways. I doubt you even know that you do it-- you get into this... this rant mode. I hate it. Why can't you accept that not everyone in this world agrees with you?

Now you're being nice again, and I feel horrible for being angry. Sigh.