You make very little sense. "Oh hey, I'm going to hate this because everyone likes it right now." Not the first time I've met your kind, but you're particularly outright about it, aren't you?

Indecision, half priced books, fondue, henna, Lord Byron out loud, getting Trina to watch the last twenty minutes of Inception, briefly seeing Alex...

Not a bad day.

I'm going to start writing in a journal. I'll write the dreams I remember, and I'll write about the things I think are beautiful. Little things and big things. People, places, feelings. I think I'll start now.

And just when I think I couldn't feel any more isolated...

Oh yeah, surprise. It's Marcella complaining again. Well, don't read it if you don't like it.

Just woke up from an extremely vivid nightmare. It was my wedding day, but I had never met the groom. The thought of being married, in general, seems nightmarish enough, but this... this was horrifying. All of my family was there, and some friends. People I hadn't seen in years; some people I couldn't even recognize. I tried to keep the mindset, "If this doesn't work out, we can divorce." What? I hadn't even seen the man, nor did I know him. I'm not sure I even knew his name. The even more terrifying part of the dream consisted of me trying to figure out how to call off this wedding that no one seemed to want to end.

... never again, please.

It's a forever-alone kinda Friday.

Watched all seven seasons of the Office in less than a month.

... yeah.

It's been the day from hell, but many a lesson have (has?) been learned.

- Don't go into work when you know you shouldn't. It's such a simple concept and it never feels right to me.

- Don't stay at work most of the day when you're certain that you're getting a bad fever.

- Don't go on a wild goose chase around campus, in the rain, still knowing that you have that fever.

- Despite that chase, I'm glad I went. You were the best part of this horrible day. Hope that isn't too creepy.

Freedom and democracy aren't the same thing.

Stop generalizing.

"people put themselves in situations that they could easily get out of but don't, and when bad things happen to them, it's their own fault."

.... you can say this about GENOCIDE? Are you fucking serious?

I.... I haven't felt this angry in a long, long time.

I'm grateful for my freedom. I'm grateful to be able to post the word "fuck" without fear for my life. I'm grateful for lazy, peaceful Sundays. I'm grateful for my right to protest.

I feel moronic for stating something so obvious, but I hope these protests end soon... I know there will always be something else. Darfur, Rwanda, Egypt, Bahrain. The want for freedom spreads like a disease. Let's just hope for less raping and pillaging. :(

All I have ever tried to do is be honest with you. This is a trait that most of my friends appreciate in me, and I honestly believe that it is one of my strengths as a friend. If you can't accept that, I kind of don't know if we were ever truly friends. I'm sorry if that makes me sound righteous or "superior." You, of all people, should know that neither of those traits describe me.

Once again, you are proving to me how infantile you really are. Please stop trying to make yourself the victim. You aren't. No one is falling for it anymore.

In other news... it's been a fairly good day.

Going to Cave Hill Cemetery with my favorite Trina. ♥

The few friendships that I still have don't feel nearly as fulfilling as they used to. I feel like I'm constantly searching for a replacement that I'll never find...

I hate seeing you in pain. I'm beginning to think that I never actually knew her. This is becoming more and more muddled every minute. I wish you didn't have to hurt like this.

Hearing you on the verge of tears actually made me cry, too. I don't know what to say.

I hate that you're sad... you're one of my best friends, but so is she. I hate this. I hate feeling like I'm in the middle; I love you both. I wish I knew how to make it better for each of you... I really do.

I went running today for the first time in a long time. Well, by running, I mean I ran some, walked some, etc. ... and only for a mile. But it was still nice.

The friend I saw yesterday is pregnant with twins. It's so strange to be getting old enough to see this. I'm extremely excited to meet these boys, though.

Valentine's day, grumble grumble. I hate seeing the complaints almost as much as I hate seeing the happiness, lol.

"The last defender of the sprawl
Said, 'well where do you kids live?'
Well sir, if you only knew
what the answer is worth...
Been searching every corner
of the earth"

'Home' is most certainly not just a place (think Edward Sharpe- "Home is whenever I'm with you"). She felt like home. Today, she would be twenty. We would find some way to celebrate together, although we're apart. I tried to do the same today; an old mutual friend and I went to some places we used to love. An old bridge by Pond Creek... It's dilapidated and only a frame now, without a deck. It could be a beautiful place, though. It looks so much smaller than it used to seem. I guess that's what everything will be like, as I grow older. So surreal, as always.

I miss you, Melanie.

Yuko, Jason and Sage are so sweet. I love my card. ♥

1. I'm glad things didn't work out between us.
2. Why are you such an infant? It's sad that I have to ask this question to three of my favorite people.
3. I'm losing all of my friends by saying things like that. I can feel them slipping.
4. "Blue Valentine" is depressing. I wish I'd seen "Biutiful" instead. Oh well- seeing it later today with two awesome people.
5. Friday came and went once again. The weeks are going by unsettlingly quickly. Want to be happy about that, but really I'm just sad.
6. Arcade Fire, all day, every day. It makes things bearable.
7. Exactly one month until Guatemala. Hopefully expectations won't be greater than reality, but that fateful inequality usually holds true. MUST KEEP HOPES UP.

Read an article about the use music has for us (read here). I think it poses some really solid ideas... ones that I definitely believe. I have awfully blurry memories, but music never ceases to bring back such specific feelings. Kudos to Joe Manning on this one.

I dreamt of Melanie last night, for the first time in months. Although I never saw her face, the dream itself was extremely vivid. I could feel that she was nearby. We went to a lot of the places we used to frequent, but each of them felt almost foreign. We were at the steps of her front porch, at the house she used to live in, down the street... but it was different. Strange sentiments had been written on the steps and they felt significant, but I couldn’t read them. Everything was so alien. The emotions, the texture, the colors, the smells. Even the sky felt somehow unfamiliar.

It was a strange dream, but I miss her dearly. I wish she were here.

"Amelie" is making my day so much better.

I consider myself very lucky to have a friend like you... and I mean that. I hope that you'll stay in my life for a long, long time.

I love my mom.

I thought I was going to spend all of last night home alone, swallowing sadness and Reese's cups. But then, after trying and failing to hang out with at least eight of my friends, two of them finally obliged. I had Vietnamese food, and it was pretty delicious. Saw a shitty movie (the Roommate, lol). Felt like me again.

Also, got my passport in the mail today. Many yays. :3

I want my own Jim. Please?

Note: These two thoughts are related in no way, shape, or form.

"... I ain't ever gonna understand last night." I have so much grey area in my life already; I should stop before I start... but I guess it's too late. No man wants anything to do with me. The select few that do only want me, but not to be with me. Somehow, I still manage to get in these predicaments.

I'm never going to win. I can appreciate the fact that life is challenging; it makes it worth living. But... am I ever going to catch a break? I know that I'm not a (excuse the following excessive cliché) poor, starving, AIDs-infected child lacking access to clean drinking water or even the simplest healthcare. I'm just being whiny, I suppose.