Facebook has this new-ish feature in chat... it shows chat history for like... forever. And I accidentally opened a chat with you; it dated back to last June, when you had asked me out. It's like the wound is completely fresh. It feels like I've done so little since then.

On a (literally) brighter note, I'm leaving for Florida tonight. Cheap vacation time. Holler.

Friday cannot come quickly enough.

You are a good friend to have; I'm lucky to know you.

What choice of words will take me back to you?

Lazy, isolated Saturday night.

I suppose I owe it to myself.

I wonder if we could ever make things work. It's one thing to start a relationship, and then move apart; but, to begin everything apart? I don't know. But I'm exploring the possibility of it, nonetheless. I wonder if you think about it at all.

"It's so looooouuuud inside my head, with words that I shouuuld have saaaaid"

More like that song is so loud inside my head.

Today wasn't all bad. Boring boring boring, oh hey, old friend! It was cool to ease back into conversation (and many tangents) with him. Definite fun.

Wow. What an eventful day, and what a mixture of emotions. Excitement, fear, stress, pride, WHAT IS GOING ON?

Looks like I'm going to be a maid of honor, though. I hope I can be a good one. :)

One of my coworkers just announced that his wife is expecting. I've had friends tell me that they're pregnant-- family members, even... but often times, it's been unplanned. There was something so pleasant, so exciting, about hearing it in the form of truly happy words. I'm so excited for him. He will be a great dad. :)

It's funny to flirt with you, just to see how you react. Am I a bad person? Possibly. But I am definitely keeping myself entertained.

Beauty: that quiet, still feeling before the storm. That smell... you can smell the rain long before it hits the ground. Nothing like turning up the music and rolling down the windows, and driving through that warm air. Absolutely nothing like it.

Today wasn't half bad, considering how little sleep I got last night (i.e., none). Hopefully that means I will sleep tonight? PLEASE? I haven't actually slept for longer than an hour interval since Friday. So... yeah. Sleep would be nice.

Otherwise, I am excited about the prospects of EWB. We are few, but we are dedicated. Hopefully we can get some other people dedicated, too.

It seems that, these days, I'm only happy when I'm planning things. I'm excited about the change of schedule in my near future.

And as usual, I am not sleepy when I should be. Wide awake right now. Won't be once I'm at work tomorrow, after my (if I'm lucky) 6 hours of sleep.

So it goes.

Some nights, when I'm really bored and lonely, I take more Excedrin PM and Melatonin than I normally would, and stay up until I can no longer hold my eyelids open.

It was really difficult to get out of bed today. Dreams >> reality, right now.

My problem is that liking someone distracted me from the feelings that have been bogging me down for months now. I know this. As nice as the distraction was, I need a substitution; I can't like a person that has no interest in me. I hope that going back to classes in a few weeks will serve me well- well enough to keep going. Until then... I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Time is dragging so, so slowly. Some days are better than others. Some days are great, even.

Today isn't feeling like one of those days.

"Blue lips, blue veins. Blue, the color of our planet from far, far away."

ALEX, I CAN'T GET THIS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD. It's so beautiful. And it really sums up how I feel about humanity and religion, and life and death, I think. It's just... SO PRETTY.

I could have sworn... Oh well. I was wrong.

I'll be okay. How do I get over something that never happened? Feeling a little delusional, but I suppose that will fade. I hope.

I want you. And I want you to know.

Today has been such a gorgeous day. It's really starting to look like spring. I always forget how much I love to see everything in bloom until it happens all over again... and that's the best part. It happens all over again, just when I've forgotten its beauty.

I keep thinking of little things I could do that might make you happy. Is that weird? I hope that one day, I'll be able to do some of those things, and maybe make you smile.

And... wow. The way things can turn around with just a few words. I've been told some unsettling news about my aunt... I really, really hope nothing is wrong. I can't let the bad things define my day. She'll be just fine.

Let this be our little secret...
No one needs to know we're feeling
higher and higher and higher.

What a beautiful, beautiful day it has been. Perfect day for driving. The wind was soft and warm, and it almost smelled like summer. I love the brisk, refreshing taste of winter air (not unlike a cool glass of water), but there truly isn't anything like a gulp of spring air.

I have a feeling of purpose and I hope that I follow through. But with determination comes insomnia, I'm afraid. I NEED TO GET SLEEPY.

I wish I had some idea of what you're thinking. Maybe the idea hasn't crossed your mind even once.

"Tough times don't last the way tough people do."

I need to keep that in mind.

Something beautiful: seeing the shadow of a plane hit the ground, or the tops of buildings in the city. Gets me every time.

... could it be? Oh, this shall be an excellent weekend.

"Why do you have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you.
Must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well;
say goodnight and go."

Tomorrow is going to be good. :3 I hope. I'm excited to see everyone again.

The Really Really Free Market was great. It was really neat to see people happy to give away their things and expect nothing in return, and it was much calmer than expected. Everyone is so much friendlier the highlands, anyway. I hope this happens more often.

Last night was superb, in an unexpected way. A good friend of mine was drunk and talking to me, which is always very interesting to me. I think people are so real when they're drunk, just as people are so real when they're crying or when they've been rejected. There are simply times when people show a side that is not often shown, but is very much them.

Before I die, I want to learn to play the piano, and I want to pick up my flute again and play as well as I used to. I want to learn sign language, both ASL and in Spanish, to be able to talk to Elvira if I go back to Guatemala. I want to bike for over twenty miles. I want to learn either German, or French, or a little bit of both, so I can study abroad during my senior year and not have issues communicating. I want to do each of these things just as much as the other.... and it makes me wish that I had more time in each day.

Whenever I'm trying to get motivated, I always think of that RAtM lyric, "It has to start somewhere; it has to start some time. What better place than here? What better time than now?" I think we're so stuck on the idea of bucket lists and resolutions, we're constantly postponing our goals and the things we truly want to do. I hope that I can make myself step out of that pattern.

I accidentally slept for over ten hours. This is my body telling me that I need to get more sleep during the week. And this is me saying "HOWWWWWW?"

I just had the most profound conversation with Scott, one of the WSU guys I met on the trip. He gives wonderful advice- advice I intend to apply. I feel very lucky to have met him.